FOXHOUND Exposed!
by DCB0428
Summary: Take a look at the members of FOXHOUND when they're NOT being terrorists. Please R&R!
1. Shopping Day

...9:49 AM... Shopping Day

"I seriously hope this isn't a repeat of last time," said Ocelot, sliding in the backseat of Octopus's car and slamming the door shut. Octopus started the engine of the cramped six person car.

"I just hope it isn't me who has to take Liquid to the Hannah Montana section this time," Raven said in the front seat, who was wearing what he usally wore, except with an black T-Shirt.

"Shut up!" Liquid Snake bursted in from the middle of the back seats "She's cool!"

"Liqvuid, she's for little girls, not full grown men," Wolf said, staring out the window in the back left seat.

"Next time," said Mantis's raspy voice through the gas mask, "Don't start screaming that you want to buy her CD in public"  
Octopus, who looked exactly like Ocelot now, held firmly on to the steering wheel as he drove toward Walmart as the fight contiued, a nefarious idea bubbling in his mind as he tried to keep a sadistic grin off of his face. As the row started to subside, Octopus steered the little blue car into Walmart's parking lot. Upon entering the store, Raven grabbed four baskets and pushed two over to Ocelot. Or it might of been Octopus. The six made their way towards the food section.

"Mantis, you go get the supplies," Octopus ordered, pushing a basket towards him. Mantis, whose hands were dug deep into his trenchcoat pockets, froze the basket abruptly just before it bumped into him. Without touching it, Mantis turned the basket around and followed it as it rolled down the laundry isle by itself. "Wolf, get snacks," Octopus said scanning his list. She took one of Octopus's baskets and left. "Raven. Food," Raven left with his two baskets. "Ocelot," Octopus said.

"Aw, bull crap!" Ocelot said as he said, walking away as Liquid followed him.

"And me..." Octopus said, an evil smile across his face. He glanced around to make sure none of his co-workers were in sight. Out of his coat pocket were five small bottles of dark red liquid. He grabbed the one that had an "L" on it and quickly unscrewed the lid. Octopus took a long drink of the salty blood. And in a moment, he was Liquid Snake. "Duh! I'm Liquid," he said, getting use to Liquid's voice "Good," he contiued, closing the bottle "Now I'm off to propose to Wolf! Muhahahahaha"

Meanwhile.  
"Oooooh crap," muttered Raven, "Was that Octopus's evil laugh?" Echoing off the walls, Raven heard another "Muhahahahaha,". He sighed and touched his left ear.

Meanwhile, half way across the store.  
Ocelot stood against the wall, watching Liquid look at the Hannah Montana stuff. Suddenly, the Codec went off. On the other side of the green screen, Vulcan Raven's worried face on the left side. "What?" Ocelot asked.

"Having fun?" asked Raven with a small smile.

"Yes. Oodles. Is that all?" Ocelot replied angrily.

"No," Raven's face returning to seriousness. "Octopus is on a rampage,"

"Son of an Oompa-Loompa" yelled Ocelot. "Gotta' go,"

Meanwhile.  
"W-Wolf?" Octopus asked.

"Oh. Vat's up, Licvuid? I thought you vere looking at Hannah Montana stuff," said Wolf, confused.

"Oh, uh, yeah, I was, but I couldn't stop thinking about something," Octopus said sheepishly.

"And vat's that?" asked Wolf, dropping a bag of Cheetoes in her basket.

"...You," answered Octopus. "Wolf..." he continued, dropping to his knee "Will you marry me?"

She was silent.

Meanwhile.  
Mantis checked Laundy Detergant off of his list.

Meanwhile... (Mantis: Stop with the meanwhiles!!!)

In the Entertainment department (Mantis: Thank you)  
"Hurry up, Liquid! Just get the damn DVD," ordered Ocelot quickly.

"Fine, fine..." Liquid said, picking up the Hannah Montana DVD,"

On the floor of the "chip" aisle Octopus lay on the floor, clutching his, er, private. "I'm in paaaaaaaaaaaaaain!" he cried.

"Hey, Raven? Was Octopus on one of his "rampages" again?" asked Wolf over Codec.

"Yeah... How'd you know?" Raven answered. "I'd hadn't called you yet,"

"Yeah I caught him," she answered, glancing at him.

"Good. Where is he?" inquired Raven.

"Um... On the, uh, floor," said Wolf. "Just follow the screaming"

Raven shot her an sideways look as he flashed off the screen.

Octopus found himself walking home that day, disguised as Raven, smoking a ciggerette. Hopefully they hadn't let Liquid drive his car. "Damn it," he said aloud, kicking a rock along the sidewalk. Liquid had too big of a crush on Wolf to propose to her somewhere casual.  
He would have made it as romantic as possible. "How could I have been so stupid?" Octopus kept asking himself as he picked up the rock and threw it a passing car. Too bad he didnt quite know who's car it was. The rock broke through the window as the car halted with a screech. The door opened.

"Son of a damn mother hugging Oompa-Loompa theme song singer," said Octopus, the cigar falling out of his mouth. 


	2. Octopus's Revenge

Out of the car stepped an aggitated Grey Fox. "Raven? Why the hell did you do that?"

"Uh..." Octopus muttered, trying to come up with something quick "Because I, uh, thought it was Otacon's car."

Frank's eyes scanned him hard "You're Octopus, aren't you," said Fox emotionessly, his face turning red with anger.

"Judo-Chop!" cried Octopus, quickly stepping towards Fox. He caught him offguard, and delivered a hard chop to Frank's neck.

"D-damn you," murmed Fox as he fell to the ground, unconscious.

Octopus resumed his walk home, "Daaaaaamn it," he said to himself, rubbing the side of his hand "He is so going to kill me,". Thinking of this, Octopus imagined Wolf being stabbed by Fox and Ocelot getting the smack-down put on him by Naomi. This made his thoughts drift to home. Damn it! It was Wolf's turn to cook. They'd most likely be having Spaghetti-O's for supper. He was sick of Spaghetti-O's for almost every meal. At least when he cooked, HE made macaroni and cheese. Too bad Raven was the only one who could actually cook fancy, an activity which he rarely did.  
And fancy meant hamburgers or steak. Mmm... Steak... He at last got to FOXHOUND HQ. He pulled out his keys and opened the door with a click, where he was met by Ocelot.

"Well, looky who's here," said Ocelot with a toothy grin.

"Har, har," said Octopus, walking towards the elevator. Once inside he punched eight (Octopus's Floor) "Damn them all!" fumed Octopus. "I'll show them..." he said smiling an evil smile "For this will be the dreaded night of Octopus's REVENGE!!! Muhahahahahahahahaha!!!" he laughed as the elevator doors opened. "Damn," he said scratching his head "That was good timing,"

Meanwhile, a floor down, (Wolf's Floor) Sniper Wolf sat on the couch playing Team Fortress 2. "Eat this, asshole!" she said, landing a Sniper headshot on the guy who killed her earlier. She smiled as he fell down. Then Octopus's echoing laugh reached her ears. She dropped out of the TF2 match and touched her ear.

Up on the tenth floor (Raven's Floor) Raven sat meditating to the stone raven statue and was disturbed by a loud and abrupt ringing. "Damn it!" he yelled as he was automatically brought to a green screen with Wolf's face on the other side. "Wolf? What the hell do you want?" asked Raven angrily.

"Octopus is laughing. Evily," she answered.

"Crap! Again?" Raven questioned, surprised.

"'fraid so," said Wolf closing her eyes.

"You call Ocelot, I'll call Mantis," ordered Raven.

"Vat about Liqvuid?" asked Wolf.

Raven laughed as he flickered off screen.

Wolf called Ocelot and was brought to another green screen, but the right side was fuzzy. She listened closely and soon heard Ocelot's voice, but the picture was fuzzy still.

"No, Mary! Don't go with John! It's not him! It's his evil twin! No! Remember! The real John is in a coma! He needs a brain transplant! No, Mary, no! Nooooooooooo!" Suddenly, his face flickered onscreen. "Oh! Wolf! Ahem! How much of that did you hear?!"

"You've really let yourself go... Anyvay, I think Octopus is on a rampage,"

"Crap! Gotta' go!" said Ocelot, flickering offscreen. Ocelot gave a chuckle. But it wasn't Ocelot. "Now I can finally transfer Codec messages," said Octopus, smiling.

"Mmmm! Mmmm! Mmmmmm!" said Ocelot, who was in his closet, completely tied up and his mouth covered up by duck tape.

"Shut up!" ordered Octopus, Judo-Chopping Ocelot and locking the closet door. "One down... Four to go!" he thought this over, then thought of Liquid "Three to go! Muhahahahahahahahaha!"

Raven had been listening for Mantis for a long time. The other side of the Codec screen was fuzzy. Suddenly, he heard a familier, raspy voice.

"Let's see here..." said Mantis's voice "Popcorn, soda. Damn! This is going to be better than any movie!". Then the voice was gone.

Dinner that night was, as Octopus had guessed, Spaghetti-O's, cooked by Wolf. Two of the seat's of FOXHOUND's six person table were not filled. Everyone guessed that Octopus didn't want to eat and that Mantis left someplace. Octopus sat, disguised as Ocelot.

"Soooo. Ocelot. How'd your soap end?" asked Wolf, trying to start a conversation.

"Well, Mary went with John's evil twin whose real name is Gerald, but, since John and Geralds' heads were stuck together at birth, they share a telepathic bond. This woke John out of the coma. Part six is tommorow," said Octopus.

"Oh," muttered Wolf.

Raven looked down at his bowl of Spaghetti-O's, to keep from looking at Wolf's expression, that was sort of half "Pitiful, Ocelot" and half "I'm truly and completely sorry I asked".

"Liquid? How's the DVD?" asked Octopus.

"Really cool! It's got, like thirteen episodes on it," answered Liquid.

"Yeah, real cool," murmered Wolf under her breathe.

"Thirteen? Really?" asked Octopus, knowing this was all part of his plan "Do you have a favorite yet?"

"Well I like the one where Jackson-" Liquid started.

"I'm done," said Wolf, standing up from the table.

"Yeah, me too" said Raven, trying to avoid the episode's description. Wolf picked up the dishes and headed to the kitchen.

Liquid was about to continue his story when Octopus interupted "You know, Liquid, how 'bout you just get the episode started, and then I can watch it?"

"Uh, OK!" said Liquid, surprised that his co-worker wanted to watch Hannah Montana with him.

As soon as Liquid had gone up the elevator, Octopus drank the bottle with the "R" on it and went into the kitchen, where Wolf was doing the dishes.

"Hey, Raven" she greeted, not looking up from her chore.

"What's up Wolf? Liquid went up stairs so I- Judo-Chop!"

Wolf fell down. Octopus picked up her unconcious body and carried it up the stairs. He couldn't risk meeting someone in the elevator. He reached the eighth floor and locked her in the closet with Ocelot.  
"Two to go..." he murmered, rubbing his sore arms. What had she been eating? Lead?. Next was Raven. He went into the elevator. Damn! What about Liquid? He pressed the ten anyway. He drank the bottle with the "O" on it and stepped onto Raven's floor. He tried the door to Raven's room; locked. "Hmmmm..." thought Octopus trying to think up something quick. He knocked on the door.

"What is it?" asked Raven's voice.

"Dessert! Wolf bought a cake,"

There was a silence. "Bought a cake, or baked a cake?" asked Raven.

"Bought," answered Octopus.

"Sweet- Wait a damn minute!" Raven started.

Octopus's heart stopped for a moment: he had realized his fatal mistake. Why hadn't he just called on Codec? The door opened and Raven stepped out, just to get hit with a Judo-Chop.  
He hit the floor with a big thud. Suddenly, Octopus felt something hit against the back of his head. Something light...

"Well I got to say, I'm pretty damn impressed," said Psycho Mantis, who was floating behind Octopus, a bowl of popcorn in his hand "But then again, I'm not 'cause I knew this would happen. He flicked another piece of popcorn at Octopus. "So I decided I'd sit back and enjoy the show. By the way, don't bother asking me about how I'm eating this popcorn without taking my mask off because I'll never ever tell you. So anyway, I know how this is all gonna' end,"

"And how's that?" asked Octopus, enraged that his ultimate plan had failed.

"Like this," answered Mantis, waving his hand and watching Octopus hit the floor "I am so going to get a raise," said Mantis, folding his arms and nodding his head.

Octopus awoke, staring up at blury figures of his co-workers. "What happened?" he asked, the world coming into clearer view.

"You died and went to Hell," Mantis's raspy voice said.

"Shut up, Mantis," said Raven's voice "You hit him hard enough with the "Psycho Blast""

"Are you OK, Octopus?" asked Wolf.

"Ug... I think so," said Octopus, sitting up.

"Good..." said Wolf, a small smile forming across her face.

For the next six and a half hours, Octopus sat on Liquid's couch, his mouth covered with duck tape, his body bound with rope, and his eyelids taped open as he was forced to watch Hannah Montana. He didn't know if getting fired or having to watch this was worse.

Thanks for reading everyone!!! My computer had a motherboard failure, so now I got a new one! So expect a flood of new chapters, at least four a week. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. Keep R&R!!!

If you have any suggestions, put them on the review board please,  
DCB0428 


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